It seems, as of late, that my life has become a mess of breakdowns separated only by working out and sad attempts to pull everything together. Last year I said it was time to get my shit together. Next year I don’t want to be saying the same thing. I have been at my current job for almost a year. I thought it was going to be the change of pace needed to get out of the gutter I had been stuck in. I have been struggling with a breakup for the last year. Yes, a YEAR! I can’t seem to get over it; however, I’m pretty positive that it is me and my way of thinking that has strung everything along. Had I not been in a depressive state off and on for two years at this point, perhaps things would have been different. It is time to look forward and make my life the one I want to live.
Regardless of anything else, I am now ready to make the changes necessary and I think seeing a professional may prove to be a key ingredient.
Let the roller coaster of healing begin while the emotional roller coaster be always on the rise.
I have crazy dreams. Here is what happened last night.
I’m not sure how it all started. All I know is that I showed up to work (my actual job – a rock climbing facility) in running shorts and no shirt. Yep, just a towel wrapped around my top half. I was really struggling to keep the towel up while helping somebody into a harness. At this point in time, the owner walks in – perfect timing, right?! He acts completely normal, and then it fades into the distance and I’m at a golf course on a horse. I have never ridden a horse and was quite excited at the thought. However, instead of getting to ride the horse, I was walking two dogs – a big one (think Great Dane) and a little one (think Chihuahua). Then Lucy, a yellow lab that belongs to the other manager was there. All of a sudden the horse just takes off across the golf course and runs into Lucy! It was terrifying. She was hurt so I went to go take care of her when this slob of a women drives up and asks if I want a ride. I hop in the back seat of this vehicle with the two dogs that I was walking and as we back up, the women almost hits a police car! The cop immediately turns on his lights and attempts to pull us over (still on the golf course, keep in mind). The women leans out her window and flips off the cop saying a few choice words – I’m pretty sure she was intoxicated… Regardless, she gets out of the car as we are still moving and sprints off! I’m still in the backseat at this point with the two dogs and the car is rolling, heading straight for the lake. I scramble to the front seat to try to stop the vehicle and then everything gets fuzzy…hard-boiled eggs…and I’m awake. Whew – what a ride!
I find that a lot of my daily thoughts creep in my dreams; but, I have no idea what any of this has to do with anything. I love dreaming – it reminds me of a great children’s story or something.